LIFE STORIES
Lorna Larsen, Mother of Shanna (Shan), Canada
The Marathon of Grief
Preserving Shan’s memory, and making a difference
Shan’s symptoms were repeatedly misdiagnosed by the doctors. Cancer was not on their check list, not on their radar. They assumed the most common and did not rule out the most devastating. By the time Shan was accurately diagnosed, the cancer had time to spread beyond her breasts, to her bones, and to her liver. Despite Shan’s positive ‘let’s get this show on the road’s approach to the tests and treatments, and her oncologist’s prediction of hope, Shan lost her life to breast cancer a few months later. Shan was only 24.The pain of my loss was indescribable. My heart was broken and the sadness unbearable. I cried a sea of tears, but it was never enough. I was pushed to the depths of hell. Meager attempts to crawl out were met with a sharp return to the bottom. Initially, I described my grief like a rogue ocean wave. As I tried to reach shore, the wave would take the sand from under my feet and assault my knees to the point where I was unable to stand. I would be taken out to sea again and again and again. I could not get to shore.
I wanted it to be me, not Shan, not my first born, not my little girl, but life is not kind. Shan was taken and I was left with the hard decision to survive or not. Grief brings depression and you grasp at whatever will help reduce the pain. As much as I wanted the pain to subside, I could not embrace negative solutions. I had taught my children to love life. I knew Shan would want me to experience joy again. I had to try!
I knew I needed help and inner strength to get through my grief. I did not believe I could get over it but hoped I could get through it. I would have to work hard, follow my heart, and seek professional support. I went down three roads, one my own grief process, two preserving Shan’s memory and three, making a difference for young women following in Shan’s footsteps.
During my grief, I felt like I was running a marathon. I was frequently exhausted, falling to my knees and unable to run further. I needed support from the sidelines to provide me with the encouragement, nourishment, and the strength to carry on. The support from counselors, family, close friends, and Shan’s friends helped me to keep getting up, to keep running, and running and running. But I could not see a finish line.
I learned to trust my inner self to guide me through the steps of my grief. Relying on this intuition helped me know what to do next on both my spiritual journey and my personal grief. Feeling possessed, I did one hundred and one things to preserve Shan’s memory. I read everything I could find on grief. All were important to me and my healing.
At some point along the way moments of joy returned. I was able to enjoy a glass of wine, dinner with family, time with friends. My circle widened. I was able to find joy in music, reading, the natural world and my grandsons.
I was also encouraged by a colleague to use my nursing expertise and health promotion experience to take me down the third road. Finding purpose, making a difference for young women gave me a reason to get up in the morning, a tangible use of my skills and talents to improve outcomes for young women diagnosed with breast cancer.
Team Shan Breast Cancer Awareness for Young Women (Team Shan) was established to educate young women about their breast cancer risk and breast health information. Team Shan set out to change the statistics, to improve outcomes for young women diagnosed with breast cancer. Using a public health approach Team Shan developed, implemented, and evaluated a breast cancer awareness campaign. Team Shan’s social marketing model has been successful in reaching young women across Canada. Thousands of young women have heard our messages, understood their breast cancer risk, and gained knowledge that will last their lifetime.
Young women have appreciated not being forgotten in breast cancer messaging and have thanked Team Shan for our efforts. Team Shan has realized our goals for earlier detection and improved outcomes for young women. These messages have been very special e.g., ‘I had stage 1 breast cancer …there is one organization I thank for my life. My early detection was due to Team Shan. I would not have been checking my breasts had it not been for the loss of Shan and her story. I thank Team Shan for running programs in Shan’s memory, for reminding me that breast cancer is not just a disease of older women. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Through Team Shan I have found joy in meeting young women…beautiful, intelligent, young women that give me hope for the future. I have connected with other young adult cancer advocates and education professionals who want to make a difference for young adults. I have also had the opportunity to meet amazing young researchers, share their passion and support their efforts to change the landscape for young adults diagnosed with cancer.
I have found joy in the empathy and understanding of other mothers who have lost a child too soon. All of us mothers in a club that none of us wanted to join. I have found renewed joy in the beauty of nature and in the wonders of wildlife. Over time, as I reflected on my progress, I felt proud of both Team Shan successes and my resilience to survive, to live again. I finally saw the finish line!
Shan loved to work with children, teaching them to swim, to skate or to play soccer. Shan wanted to help children ‘reach their potential and achieve their dreams.’ Shan wanted to teach and now it is her spirit that continues to teach young people to ‘love what they are doing, to have fun and to stay positive.’ Shan’s dreams were lost, but her dreams were the lifeline I held on to tightly to get through my grief journey.
I miss Shan every minute of every day, her smile that would radiate across this room, her infectious laugh, her kind and gentle spirit that helped to make this a better world. Shan is deeply missed, but her memory lives on through Team Shan and my efforts to make a positive difference, my renewed purpose and joy!
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